My last blog post was almost a year ago. Big things have gone down in the last year that have prevented me from writing. Most of it I’m not yet ready to talk about here, but suffice to say, it’s been a hell of a year. But when things seem their darkest, and life feels like it’s crumbling into the ground around you, I have to remember the words of Albus Dumbledore “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
Now, that’s not to say that I’ve found the light. In fact, I feel like I’ve been fumbling around in a dark room for the better part of this last year, wandering around in circles, digging my trench deeper and deeper. That light switch is there, I know it is, I just haven’t been able to find it yet. I feel like I’m getting closer, slowly climbing out of that hole I’ve found myself in, but I still have a long way to go.
One day I’ll be ready to talk about it openly in the online world. But for now it’s something reserved for friends, family, and my therapist. Speaking of, if you don’t yet have a therapist, I can’t recommended it enough. I honestly think it’s the single best thing you can do for yourself. Hands down, they are incredible.
Normally, I find that the best way for me to organize my thoughts is to write. I write and write and write until something makes sense or I have some sort of epiphany or revelation. But the last year my mind has wiped itself clean of the ability to put words on to paper. So instead, I took to talking.
But that hasn’t been for lack of trying to write. At first, I didn’t even want to look at a piece of paper, pen, or my laptop. I kept it buried within my drawers, along with my desire to do much else except put one foot in front of the other – my body on autopilot. Slowly, as the months went by, I would glance at my notebook, maybe even open it with a pen in hand. But nothing came. I would just sit there staring at the blank lines in front of me until I slammed the book shut and tossed it back in the drawer. Then more months would go by, and I’d find myself putting a few words down. But of course, none of them created any kind of string that made sense. So, I would get frustrated with myself and the lack of intelligence I seemingly possessed and would once again slam the book shut and throw it back in the drawer.
But now, reflecting on the past year, I see that that was progress. It was all progress. And rather than beat myself up about it, I should have rejoiced and celebrated the progress I was making, no matter how small, not curl up under my blanket and cry. But I’ve been in a really dark place. The last year, or 8 months to be exact, have been a living nightmare. I’ve found myself crying if someone so much as looks at me wrong, or a rogue thought pops into my head. Hell, even now the tears are welling up in my eyes as I sit in the middle of Starbucks. I’m nowhere near healed or ready to fully move on with life, but I’m getting there. I’m trying to find more joy, but it’s not easy. It’s hard to see progress when you’ve been living the torture that’s your own head. But just the fact that I’m able to sit here and write all this is immense progress. And for that I’m glad.
And I’m hopeful 2026 will hold more happiness than sadness. And what better way to help clear your mind and experience joy than to book a trip. My 2026 is going to start off with reaching a goal that I’ve been aiming for since I hit 30:
50 by 40.
50 countries, by the time I’m 40. (I’m giving myself some grace here… I turned 40 in the spring, but owing to the hell that 40 has been so far, I’m giving myself to the end of my 40th year to hit that 50 country mark.)
We decided to do something totally far fetched (by our standards anyway) and brand new for all of us. Maybe something to shake us back to life. And in a month’s time we’ll officially be CRUISERS!
It may well be a popular choice for a lot of people, but for us, who don’t stray towards the minute-by-minute planned tours, and prefer to do things on our own terms, off the beaten path, it’s going to be a shocker! But considering we’ve had to make so many decisions this last year, it was time to put the decisions and planning into someone else’s hands (for the most part) and book a cruise! And being that we’re rookies at this whole cruising thing, there’s going to be a ton to learn and let go of, and a whole lot of unknowns. But I’m looking forward to trying something new and, of course, checking off those last 4 four remaining countries to hit the big 5-0.
So, if you have any tips and tricks and information on being a cruiser, your help would be much appreciated!
Cheers! To 2026…
Happy Travelling!
Teryn Warnke 
Leave a comment