A Simple Reflection

Although change can be good, needed even, change is difficult.

Sometimes we change because it’s necessary. Whether it’s a life event that necessitates us to take on a different role – such as a familial role or a new role at work – or because we need a break; a change in scenery. Maybe in this case we decide to pursue a new job or move to a different city, or just go on a much-needed vacation.

Whatever the reason, change can be filled with all sorts of feelings – guilt, jealousy, sadness, happiness, or anything else in between. It all depends on the situation and the emotional background of the events preceding or resulting from that change. Change can bring about many emotions and it’s important to remember that whatever you feel in those situations is valid. You are completely entitled to your own feelings and whatever you feel is ok. Especially when the change is brought about by things that are beyond your control.

When things are out of your control, however, it often elicits a flurry of feelings and emotions, some of which might be quite surprising and unwelcome. Which is something I’ve experienced and am still working to unpack. But that’s a whole other topic and one that should likely be tackled through a professional, or at least with friends and a bottle of wine.

But when change happens as a result of your own decision, generally speaking it’s because you know it’s for the best. Now, that’s not to say that you won’t also be hit by unexpected feelings that are beyond your control. But in general, when you commit to the decision to make a change, it’s because you’re doing what’s best for you and your family, in your current situation, with the information that you have at that moment. And there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with doing what’s right for you. You don’t owe anything to anyone, so don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for something you’re doing to better yourself.

One of the positive things about change is that it gives us time to reflect. It gives us time to look back on the things that we’ve done, the people we’ve met, the things that we’ve accomplished, and maybe the things we wish we’d done differently. And in those situations when the change is sudden, when you don’t get the time to reflect immediately, I urge you to make that time in the future. This is something that happened to me, and it took me a long time to realize that I needed to do that in order to process hidden emotions and understand the change from other perspectives. There are so many ways to do it, whether with a therapist, by journalling, meditating, wine nights with friends, or whatever else works for you. Hey, I even wrote a book as part of that process, so there’s many ways to do it and a lot that can come from it.

My personal belief is that everything that happens in life happens for a reason. Sometimes we meet the most amazing people that have the most incredible impact on us. And sometimes when we look back, we find that those experiences have changed our view on something – whether it’s something small or something significant. And as I reflect on some of my own changes ahead, as well as on on my recent experiences, I’m finding that it’s done just that. My eyes have been opened to other possibilities that I knew existed but maybe didn’t give the proper opportunity to fully come to light.

There’s so much more to someone’s situation than we realize, and there’s so much more to people’s life experiences that we don’t often take into account. We really never know what people are going through or have gone through. We don’t know the lives they’ve lived or are living, or what struggles they have. This is why it’s so important to take those perspectives into account and view people through an unbiased lens, opening your mind to a variety of possibilities and approaches. I won’t get into the exact details because it’s potentially a very charged topic, so all I’ll say is – meet people where they’re at. Don’t let your own biases taint your perspective on what people need and want. You’re likely to get a lot further with most people and develop deeper and more meaningful relationships.

And when it comes to change, like I’ve said before, when an opportunity presents itself, take it. Throw caution to the wind, put yourself out there, and take chances and opportunities as they come, because you never know what it will bring and how much you’ll learn and grow from it.